Barely Breathing
by WeasleyLover871
Summary: "He didn't know it then. If he did, he would have fought like hell to keep her." - About the loss Chuck feels when realizing Blair had found comfort in Dan Humphrey - A SongFic to Break Even by the Script


**A/N : So I thought of this last night while mulling over my active fanfictions – and even though I like Blair and Dan – just because it's interesting to watch – I am and always will be a loyal Chuck/Blair shipper. And when thinking about that and watching a promo for the new episode, this song popped into my head. **** Just a little songfic - hope you enjoy. **

**Disclaimer: Don't own Gossip Girl and I don't own the song Break Even (The Script does).**

Barely Breathing

He didn't know it then. If he did, he would have fought like hell to keep her.

_**I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing**_

_**Just prayed to a God that I don't believe in**_

_**'Cause I got time while she got freedom**_

_**'Cause when a heart breaks, no it don't breakeven**_

Chuck Bass was sitting on his couch in his suite at his hotel, the Empire. Scotch in one hand – his cell phone in the other. He made mistakes before, but there was always a chance of redemption, of mending her heart and changing her mind. Those girls, those girls that he thought he cared for – that he tried to care for to fill the ominous void in his life. The void that was left by the only girl he truly loved. He sacrificed the one chance he'd have at happiness, while she stayed faithful to her future with him. She waited, and he didn't. She had to watch while he shared what was supposed to be only shared with her. Chuck Bass lost the only thing that mattered to him because he couldn't be alone.

So eventually, she found someone to not be alone with as well.

_**Her best days will be some of my worst**_

_**She finally met a man that's gonna put her first**_

_**While I'm wide awake she's no trouble sleeping**_

_**'Cause when a heart breaks, no it don't breakeven, even, no**_

_**What am I suppose to do**_

_**When the best part of me was always you and**_

_**What am I suppose to say**_

_**When I'm all choked up and you're okay**_

Dan Humphrey.

Somehow lonely boy made his way into her heart.

He denied it at first. There was no way she would settle for such a man. Not when she had had him once before.

But again, that was his ego talking. Like always.

He stood up, and began pacing the room, cell phone already set to speed dial. He had to try one more time. If he didn't, there would be no chance for him to ever touch her again – ever kiss her lips or hear her whisper those three worlds, eight letters. That was all he wanted, all he needed now.

After four long years of loving one woman, he knew he would never be able to recover from the loss. She knew him like no person had or will ever know him. He confided in her about his father, his mother... and even his own insecurities. She helped him build a life worth living after all that he had done to destroy everything he could have had. She made him a better man, a man worthy of love and happiness and success. A man unlike his father.

But without her, he wasn't that man. And he'd never be him without her.

_**I'm falling to pieces, yeah**_

_**I'm falling to pieces**_

_**They say bad things happen for a reason**_

_**But no wise words gonna stop the bleeding**_

_**'Cause she's moved on while I'm still grieving**_

_**And when a heart breaks, no it don't breakeven, even, no**_

He had to try one more time – give it one more shot before admitting defeat and trying to salvage what he had left of his life.

He pressed the button and rose to phone to his ear, praying to whatever could be out there to have her pick up this time. When he heard the click on the other end, he caught his breath in astonishment.

"Blair." He breathed into the phone, with so much longing it was unbearable to her. "Don't hang up."

The pleading to his voice was something she could never handle. Whenever Chuck let down all his walls, and was completely vulnerable. She could count on her one hand the amount of times that had happened, and all of them were with her.

"You have to let this go Chuck." She said calmly, trying to hold back everything she was feeling in her voice. Ice queen. That's what she needed to be.

But Chuck knew her all too well.

"You love me Blair. Why are you lying to yourself?" He rubbed his eyes with the palm of his hand, tired and worn from all of these emotional rollercoasters with the girl on the other line. "You'll never have with him what we did."

Her breathing hitched when he said this, as she remembered the first time they kissed, first time they slept together, said I love you. But she also remembered when he sent the blast to gossip girl, left her in Europe alone, sold her to his uncle, and slept with Jenny Humphrey. And after this, how she forgave him time and time again – and they promised to be together, but just to give it time… give her time. And rightfully so. But then Raina – Eva she could understand, they weren't on good terms… but Raina.

"Maybe not Chuck… but I have the right to try." She answered finally.

_**You got his heart and my heart and none of the pain**_

_**You took your suitcase, I took the blame**_

_**Now I'm tryna make sense of what little remains, oh**_

_**'Cause you left me with no love and no love to my name**_

_**I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing**_

_**Just prayed to a God that I don't believe in**_

_**'Cause I got time while she got freedom**_

_**'Cause when a heart breaks, no it don't break**_

_**No it don't break, no it don't breakeven, no**_

They were silent for a few minutes – both registering exactly what it meant. Both accepting the finality that this conversation would hold to their relationship.

Blair prepared herself to hang up – to ignore whatever he had to say, whatever he would do to get her back. Her heart was broken. But she had to be strong for herself. She couldn't let him do this to her again. Yet, she knew she couldn't hang up without saying good-bye. But that's when she heard it.

He was crying.

"Don't give up on me Blair." Chuck managed to get out between quiet sobs.

"Goodbye Chuck." Blair said before completely losing all control. "I'll always love you."

_**What am I gonna do**_

_**When the best part of me was always you**_

_**And what am I supposed to say**_

_**When I'm all choked up and you're okay**_

_**I'm falling to pieces, yeah**_

_**I'm falling to pieces, yeah**_

_**I'm falling to pieces**_

_**I'm falling to pieces**_


End file.
